500 MPH Storm (2013) Reviews

• Utter pile of crap

  viciousdeath2013-03-08

  I read one of the shill reviews on here comparing this movie to Citizen Kane and the Godfather...LOL First the effects are just crap. There are scenes where everything just looks a 5 year-old's Photoshop project. I am not exaggerating. I'm not 100% sure but I think they recycle locations over and over(warehouse). The CGI looks like it's from the 90's and the interface on the monitors for the beam look like a little too simplistic for such a powerful device. The acting is atrocious to the point of being annoying. The lines the actors were given are just as ridiculous. I'm of the mind that this was someone's idea of a joke. The plot is so full of holes it's not even funny. I've seen better movies that portray this kind of disaster much better, Twister anyone? Save your time and money and pass this one over, or you'll regret it.

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• Irredeemably awful

  TheLittleSongbird2013-04-14

  I do not mind low-budget movies at all, there are still movies that are so but are still entertaining regardless. 500 MPH Storm was low-budget and not at all entertaining. I'll forgive any movie for being low-budget, I will not forgive one that looks as though no effort or heart went into it, and it is in this category where 500 MPH Storm falls under. It is difficult where to begin with criticising but one of many things that struck me was how severely underacted the movie is. The smallest plank of wood is more animated than any of these actors, who from their phoned-in delivery of lines and wooden presences look as though they were held at gunpoint. Even for a low-budget movie, 500 MPH Storm was so cheaply made you do find wondering why did they even try. The editing is choppy and blurry and the special effects looked unfinished and would be more at home in a low-budget movie from twenty years ago. The dialogue is so awkwardly delivered and repeats itself to the point of you getting a bruise from hitting your forehead against a wall, and the story has no life whatsoever with the disaster sequences poorly edited and lacking in thrills or suspense. The scientific errors and unbelievably idiotic moments are so numerous to list and would be better documented in a 500+ page novel. The characters have no development to them and infuriate you in how stupidly and obnoxiously they believe throughout. The music is overbearing and has no flow, while the direction indicates someone who had little to no idea as to how to direct the action, actors or anything. To conclude, just awful and irredeemably, an amateur's job all around and in the worst possible sense. 0/10 Bethany Cox

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• Not worth watching

  wnourallah2013-03-05

  Hey no worries about writing a spoiler. 20 minutes of painful acting and storyline, I switched off as I could not be punished any longer. Why do they actually make films like these? They are a waste of money and the actors in these films will find it hard to get another job afterwards. As for the worst actor I have ever seen, Bryan Head should be re named Bryan foot. If he was my son I would have thrown him out of the car and let him die in the Storm. The winds are supposed to be 500 mph yet he is actually racing it in his 4X4. I did not know that a 4X4 can actually do such speeds. Woooowwwww. They must have made this film on a tight budget as I have not seen most of the other actors previously and about the only decent thing in the film is Casper Van Dien's wife. She is very pleasant to look at but again not much of an actress. Please do not bother watching it unless you like pain.

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• The best disaster movie Microsoft Paint can make

  Sandcooler2013-08-21

  I know a company like Asylum Films has to work with very little money and very little time, but how hard is it to shoot your movie about a hypercane (whatever the hell that is) without having a sunny blue sky in the background? I don't think I'm asking much here: you don't have to shoot during an actual hypercane (because you know, there's no such thing), but some actual clouds might have helped matters here and there. Same with the rain that pours down during the entire running time, but never seems to get anyone wet. It's all just such sloppy filmmaking, and this one doesn't even have the usual Asylum benefit of involving some far-fetched prehistoric creature. A dinoshark would have made this movie better, wrap your mind around that idea. The only thing this movie really has going for it is Casper Van Dien, who does the best he can with the material ("material" here meaning sitting in a car while pretending there's a storm). Van Dien is a pretty good performer to B-movie standards, his acting is pretty much all in his amazing teeth but at least there's some emotion there. He's a way more compelling hero than this movie deserves to have, which prompts me to give this movie a higher rating than it deserves to have. Damn you Casper Van Dien, damn you.

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• Best movie ever filmed.

  hallnanetu2013-03-09

  This is by far the best movie ever filmed. I'm still under impressions, even tho i did not manage to watch it till end. It's two times better than star wars, special effects wise, and the story is on same level as twilight saga. Let me quote one of the reviews: "This is one of the best movies i have ever seen. when the movie was at an end i stood up cried and applauded". I stood up and cried too, i cried so fu****g hard, i was questioning my own intelligence, the reasons behind this movie, does God exist, why is he punishing me? Why is there no rum ? Why is Earth rounded. Do not watch this film, ever, you will suffer head trauma. I am serious. Oh and here is the plot: Balloon, storm, car, car, storm, car, fire, storm, car, rape attempt, car, car, storm, helicopter, fire, storm, dead black guy, storm. the end.

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