Assassin (2015) Reviews

• Total garbage!

  christianeverett2015-03-09

  After years of using IMDb, this will be my first review, and I'm gonna keep it short. I only wanted to review this because of the misleading 7.1 rating it somehow has, I honestly don't know how that's possible. This has to be in my top 5 of worst movies I've ever seen. I'm a big fan of Danny Dyer, but I'm sorry Danny, you were dyer. The acting was terrible from the whole cast, poorly written dialogue and totally predictable. There wasn't one moment in the film I thought was good, avoid wasting an hour and twenty minutes of your life and instead, go clean the kitchen, it will be much more enjoyable and rewarding when you finish.

  More

• The very definition of 'contrived'.

  film_andy2015-03-18

  Danny Dyer plays a hit-man called 'Jamie'... alright, I suppose there must be some hit men in the world called 'Jamie' - but for conjuring up a hard man character, let's just call him 'Marion'. Marion kills people. And looks very sleepy whilst he does it. He might be moody. He's possibly hung over. Who knows? He doesn't like talking much. Because he tells his 'bird' "I ain't one for talking" (or words to that effect. Presumably to add to his moodiness?) At one point, he senses imminent danger. How? A seagull flies overhead. Perhaps part of his moodiness is talking to animals and birds? Anyone, before this seagull can shout "Watch it you mugs!", a spray of bullets. And old Daniel's stood there like he's just remembered he's left his front door key at home. Meanwhile, The not-really-the Krays Brothers seem to think they're in the British answer to Michael Mann's 'Heat'. Maybe even 'Leon'. Unfortunately they come across as two blokes in a self-build borrowed from Grand Designs. Some scenes have bad audio. (For example, there's a 'confrontation' on a street at night. The ambiance would have you believe it was chucking out time on a Friday night - yet for all this drunken cavorting noise, there's hardly a person to be seen. Anywhere.) Some have bad camera work/direction. Every scene is poor translation of an even worse screenplay. Seriously: 'Marion' kills some bloke with a plastic bag (The police believe it's some nonce engaging in a bit of auto-erotic asphyxiation - and the way Dyer does it, it might as well be. And we know the police think he died due to auto-erotic asphyxiation because they tell us about 4 times). Dead bag man turns out to be the dad of some topless dancer who Dyer takes home for a bit of how's one's father. I've lost count the number of times this has happened to me. Assassinate someone. Pick up a tart. Oh no: They're related. And then the two brothers in the Grand Designs house start getting wobbly because SOMEONE might find out. But Dyer - the professional assassin that he is - can't kill the tart, because he's getting his leg over. (Presumably he's not had much recently) It's easy to poke at Dyer - he is miscast, relying on some 'smell the fart' acting, but he's not the weakest link here. The script is just a cut 'n paste from every crap gangster/hit-man movie there ever was. The direction, supporting cast... all not very good at all.

  More

• Wow ... An Entire Movie Based on "Awkward"

  A_Different_Drummer2015-03-08

  Takes nerves of steel to deliberately write a screenplay that makes everyone -- actors and audience alike -- uncomfortable. The opening is the best part, and then it is all downhill from there. Like a toboggan run. Danny Dyer, who has probably played every possible variant of a east end thug there is, walks taller and stands straighter than usual in his portrayal of a rogue hit-man. And frankly he is not bad. For a few brief moments, there was serious potential for this film. The part he plays is a strange UK variant on the early Charles Bronson persona, strong silent type, the don't mess with me type, and. as stated, it is promising. There is even an amusing "trope" where Danny's character, wearing a dark helmet, zips around London -- THE MOST "CAMERA'd" CITY ON THE PLANET -- on his motorbike, and yet is magically invisible to the video surveillance. That is so absurd it is almost fun. After a job, he stops at a strip club and is conveniently on hand to rescue a very attractive dancer from unwanted advances by her dealer. So far, so good. Then the awkwardness starts. The "hit" he just performed was by coincidence the father of his new squeeze. Did you ever have one of those days? Worse, the bird and her BFF are suddenly playing Miss Marple and are determined to find out what "really" happened., They start sniffing around the bunch that ordered the hit, the very same guys Danny works for. Are you feeling awkward yet? If you watch this screenplay unfold to the bitter bitter end, you will. Ordinary rules of dramatic exposition are tossed under the bus in favour of a strange and stubborn zeal to make the viewer wonder if he should perhaps be home doing his taxes instead of watching this travesty unfold. And a great beginning is totally wasted.

  More

• Continuity Not Included*

  Rob_Taylor2015-03-05

  Well, I haven't watched a Danny Dyer movie for some time and now I know why. They're painful! Painful and cringe-inducing. The acting is uniformly bad and Dyer isn't at all convincing in the trained assassin role of the title. He spends most of his "assassin" time wandering around in full motorcycle gear, including helmet. If ever there was a better way to attract attention than wearing inappropriate headgear in public spaces, then I haven't seen it. He stands out like a sore thumb. Walking around with it down just makes you look suspicious. In addition, we soon referred to him as "Mumbles" the assassin, because of his penchant for talking quietly whilst wearing the helmet, making the audio very difficult to hear. At times he makes an expression like a sad little monkey trapped in a cage, leaving me to wonder whether he realised how bad the film was and wondered how he might get out of it. At other times, he seems to be channeling Joey from Friends with the "Smell the Fart" acting technique. On the plus side, Dyer isn't the worst actor in the film. That dubious accolade is reserved for his bit of crumpet, who is about as appealing and animated as a cabbage patch doll, but far more wooden. The Kemp brothers are far and away the only people trying to act in this film and even they seem to be trying to recapture their Kray twins glory from long ago. The rest, are best forgotten. Camera-work is a little variable, with tops of heads being cut off at times and an over-reliance on hand-held cameras that makes everything look...well... cheap. Sound editing is also bad. Apart from "Mumbles" the assassin, the level jumps up and down and sometimes the music drowns out the dialogue. Our hero's motorcycle likewise has two distinct engine noises, depending on whether the shot is from the riders or a passersby perspective. Story-wise, it is a bit pathetic. By then numbers gangster movie script that fails to convince. The dialogue is at time guffawful (its a word!). You'll just laugh at some of it and blink in disbelief at others. There's a scene with the girlfriend and her BFF sat on a sofa working out "clues" as to what is going on that is just beyond terrible. Add in the often monotone delivery of these lines and it becomes both hilarious and painful to behold. Likewise the "romance" element to the story is about as believable as perpetual motion, or cold fusion. It's ham-fistedly done and utterly painful to watch it "unfold". Later, the girlfriend undergoes some kind of dramatic breakdown but is more funny than heartbreaking to see. Continuity suffers too. The most obvious example of this is the black helmet/silver helmet transition about halfway through the movie. He wears a black helmet in one scene and then parks and walks away holding a silver one. A few minutes later his helmet changes colour whilst riding from one shot to the next! Then there's the scene where Mumbles shoots a man at his front door from five feet away seven times and the man simply turns and runs away? Oh! And the dialogue to accompany this unrealistic gunplay scene? "Get aht! Nahh!" from Mumbles. It's priceless. *: Or Editing, Sound Levelling, Acting etc. etc. you get the idea. SUMMARY: An awfully bad film! Poor acting, dialogue, script and editing all combine to make this a chore to sit through. Not so much John Wick, as John Get on Your Wick!

  More

• Bottom Of The Barrel Predictable Assassin Flick

  jamdifo2015-03-05

  I give this movie a 2 out of 10 just because it was mercifully short and I also liked the dynamic between the 2 brothers. But believe me, this movie stinks. This movie has been done numerous times where the assassin falls in love with his target and can't kill her. The huge problem here is the chemistry between the assassin and the female he falls for. There is absolutely no chemistry here at all. There is not one reason why either would be madly in love with the other. It is so bad it destroys this film, you just don't care about either of them. Also, there is not one good action scene or line thru out the whole movie. Even though I found the brothers interesting, they were not menacing villains. It fact, no one was. Though when his girlfriend does get killed, the assassin does dish out revenge very quickly. I think all the main players were killed within 2-3 minutes(in different places). No tension whatsoever and way too easy for the assassin. The ending is a yawner. This movie is a bore, don't waste your time.

  More