Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988) Reviews

• Mmmmmm....good

  hamburger2001-08-01

  "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" is one of the best examples of those trashy, cheesy, horror/spoofs of the 80s (Toxic Avenger and Blood Diner would be included in there as well) that I so fondly adore. The movie is short, sweet, and to the point but I enjoyed every excruciatingly bad B-movie moment, which by the way, is accompanied by the corniest one-liners you've ever heard since Freddy Krueger. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers concerns (what else?) a cult of chainsaw massacring babes who use fresh limbs from their victims to serve to their "master" (I'm assuming this is where Gunnar Hansen comes in). And boy does he look embarrassed. One classic scene involves a nude Michelle Bauer messily hacking up some poor old sap while listening to Elvis Prestley. The look on her face is priceless. Blood, a wooden Gunnar Hansen, laughs aplenty, cheesy rock music, scream queens Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley (her shining moment is the "dance of the double chainsaws!") all wrapped into one...don't miss it.

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• One of the best of its genre, and surprisingly clever

  T-Bag822002-06-16

  Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is easily one of the best films of the d-grade comedy-horror genre. It's a send up of film noir thrillers with offbeat comedy in the vein of "The Naked Gun" films and is genuinely hilarious from start to finish. The story revolves around Jack Chandler, a private eye in Hollywood who is hired to find a missing girl. However, his search leads him to a cult of chainsaw weilding prostitutes led by none other than Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre). There are plenty of weird and wacky scenes, pieced together by corny film noir narration and music, and the narration and dialogue in the film is extremely witty. Definitely one of the best films of its type. If you are after a fun little comedy/horror film with the typical fix of nudity, corny one liners and gore which is genuinely funny and clever, this should be on top of your list.

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• The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws!

  capkronos2002-02-14

  A cult of chainsaw-worshipping prostitutes headed over by pleasantly plump guru "The Master"(Gunnar "Leatherface" Hansen") are out to make human sacrifices to their god "Anubis" and cut into poor guys just looking for a good time. Jay Richardson (very funny here) is dry, thick-witted detective Jack Chandler, who's searching for a young runaway (Linnea Quigley) and stumbles onto the cult. The film is played out as both a spoof of film noir (with some Columbo/Perry Mason-style detective shows thrown in) AND horror films (naturally THE TEXA S CHAINSAW MASSACRE), and it actually succeeds! Of course, you also have to be willing to deal with some bad lighting and grainy photography associated with budget restraints, but that's forgivable, I think. I agree with the mention of choreography--this has two hilarious (and damn sexy) dance sequences with Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley in the buff (the latter doing the "Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws"), that should please their fans. Richardson is a howl and Hansen gets a few funny moments in there as well, though he's not nearly as animated as the leading ladies or Richardson. Nearly every line of dialogue is extremely campy and whoever scripted this thing has a playful ear for puns and wordplay. There's also plenty of blood/gore (I think Steve Johnson did some of it), a few AIRPLANE-style gags and a great mock- Elvis song for Michelle to dance to. In short, a must see for fans of B-movies and probably Fred Olen Ray's finest hour. Score: 7 out of 10.

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• More fun than you might expect.

  BA_Harrison2007-08-21

  With its tongue firmly planted in its cheek, this camp B-movie horror, by Fred Olen Ray, manages to be fairly infectious fun, delivering everything one could wish for in a movie with such a delightfully trashy title: a ridiculously silly plot, a half dozen women willing to strip off in front of the camera, some crap special effects (plastic body parts and a few gallons of fake blood), and a running time just short enough to ensure that the film doesn't outstay its welcome. Jay Richardson plays Jack Chandler, a sleazy private-eye searching for missing teenager Samantha (Linnea Quigley). During the course of his investigations, he meets Mercedes (Michelle Bauer), a sexy, but murderous hooker, and subsequently discovers the existence of a chainsaw worshipping cult, led by The Stranger, (Gunnar Hansen). With its deliberately cheesy film-noir voice-over, some very bad comedy, frequent nudity from scream queens Quigley and Bauer, and some daft OTT power-tool dismemberment, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers isn't as unwatchable as the title suggests. If you're in the mood for a spot of unpretentious low-budget fun, then check out this entertaining 80s cult classic.

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• Sawing is believing

  Robbie-431999-09-10

  One of the auteur Olen Ray's finest works is this little gem. It features two of the Eye Candy Hall of Fame All-Century team members, Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer. Every synopsis or review seems to contain the words camp, horror-comedy, and gore. While it is all that, we would like to comment on the nifty dance numbers. The auteur Olen Ray has added some eye-popping choreography which allows Ms. Quigley and Ms. Bauer to put their bodies in motion. The sultry Ms. Quigley performs the Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws. We fell like a virgin Brazilian rainforest watching her. The majestic beauty Ms. Bauer does a striptease to an Elvis tune that is pure graceland. Proving she ain't no hound dog, Ms. Bauer's character will take you to Heartbreak Hotel but that's alright. As a word of warning, you might feel like a giant Redwood as you view this film, but both these ladies wield a wicked chainsaw and can cut you down to size.

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