The Caretaker (2012) Reviews

• Worst than being bitten by a dozen vampires at once.

  natashabowiepinky2013-12-06

  On and on this film went, long past the point where I cared about it, until a sort of numbness crept in, where you really start to notice the world around you in your front room. Like: When was the last I hoovered the floor, or that wonky picture needs to be straightened. In the end, I just fidgeted around on my phone, as the lifeless (no pun intended there) characters met their respective fates and the ordeal was over. If the fact that I had more than one eye off the screen during the last 40 minutes means you ignore my review, then so help me... I don't give a hoot. It's just a badly written, wretchedly edited, poorly acted piece of... dung which is NEVER scary, about from the implied idea that it was worth releasing in this condition. There is not one aspect of it which is worthwhile, and the only reason I haven't scored it less is when I compare it to some of the VERY worst horror movies I've seen, it's not QUITE as horrendous as that. This is hardly a recommendation, though. Steer well clear. 2/10

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• Absolute rubbish

  netmange2013-01-17

  The previous review must have been written by one of the film crew or someone who's paid to write a good review for an absolute piece of trash. Don't believe me? Sure. Go ahead and watch this piece of crap. The acting is awful. I've seen high school plays with similar standards of acting. Special effects are indeed special (if special means retarded). The make up crew probably made a trip to the local costumes store, bought a few fake plastic fangs, then traipsed down to Coles and bought a few cans of tomato puree. Then put a couple of splotches on the shirts they got from Salvos and voila! Instant gore. To add to the suspense, have the female lead stand in front of an old tree, play some elevator music with violins and have some poorly dressed stand-ins dash across the foreground to simulate fast moving "terrifying" vampires everywhere and you should have the audience shaking in their seats. This piece of work is a piece of rubbish. I wouldn't pay $0.10 to watch this. I'd much rather donate the money to the hobo sitting at the corner of the street.

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• Human drama in vampire movie form

  grimmim2013-08-10

  I have to admit that I was intrigued by the premise of this movie. Instead of having unrealistic characters, there is a random and quirky mix, and people don't become overnight heroes. The acting quality was decent without having anyone being a caricature. It moves a bit slower than the average vampire flick, because it's not an average vampire flick. So, for those expecting action-packed gore and lots of cool special effects, you may be disappointed. This movie visually catches the general feeling of forlorn hope; what would you do to survive, and when does it become too much to live with? it is beautiful yet desolate. It's not a perfect movie, but much better than I expected. The piano soundtrack at certain points in the movie was absolutely haunting. I'm obsessed with figuring out how to play it now.

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• B-movie trying

  kosmasp2014-06-22

  Some say "die trying", though that would be difficult if you're undead. Seriously though, this movie cannot be faulted for any lack on effort. It does try and for some (especially those with a soft spot for low budget movies), it is even able to achieve that goal. Not that anyone could mistake this for a classic mind you. It still tries to imitate a couple of things that were very successful (like Blade to name but one movie this "borrowed" themes from). It has some blood and the acting is not as bad as one would/could expect. The story though is pretty simple and more than predictable. Still Kudos for trying to make a drama out of it and especially for the effort

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• A beautiful piece of Australian Cinema

  itsmetif2012-07-19

  While there is no denying that Vampires play a central role in this movie, I would challenge its pigeonholing as a genre film. Underneath the gore and fangs and horror is a simple story about humanity and survival. Each of the characters is unlikeable yet fragile, likable yet horrifying, showing us the complexity of human nature and human relationships. The actors and filmmakers did a wonderful job of bringing these characters to life and imbuing them with a sense of reality, as opposed to the sometimes stereotypical caricatures that often find their way into these type of films. On top of that the filmic style and colour palette used by the filmmakers gives the film a beautiful, rich visual feel. One of my favourite Australian films to date, I hope it gets the recognition it deserves!

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