The Impaler (2013) Reviews

• Worst movie I've ever seen

  davidvrcoralgables2013-11-29

  Ridiculously terrible movie. Horrible, obnoxious acting. Not scary at all. Extremely predictable. These ratings must have been written by the director, as no man in his right mind would enjoy this. I'm 99.9% positive the director created a number of fake accounts to skew the ratings. I wouldn't be so mad if I didn't pay $7.99 on on demand for this piece of junk. I feel like I was scammed, as there are no refunds for bad on demand movies. The director is 25 years old or something... And it shows. Bad story, bad acting, bad directing, and worst of all bad business. And I wouldn't have written so much about this movie but IMDb has a requirement of there being at least ten lines in a review, so I felt it was a necessary sacrifice in order to save others eight bucks!

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• Total garbage! Stay away.. Damn liers and scammers!

  angiris2014-03-27

  The film is absolutely dreadful. I must be fair though and point out that the beginning had me going for some time. The atmosphere, the storytelling... but all in all it turns into this poor excuse lame teen flick where nobody takes anything seriously other than to get it on with one another... Its an uber stereotypical cliché piece of garbage. The film actually had potential but the execution of this is so poorly done that whatever hope I had for this evaporated after about 30-40 minutes. I had actually looked forward to this. The Impaler. I thought like..YES! Finally! A historically based film on Vlad Tepes himself. Boy was I wrong!!! And honestly!! Whats up with all that witchcraft and devil worship... VLAD NEVER SOLD HIS SOUL TO THE DEVIL!!! Not even literary Dracula did that!!! He turned against GOD!!! and was punished for doing so. Well the Bram Stoker kind anyway... God....that ending too...so anti climactic... I swear to god the "Oh my god was it all a dream...did I just imagine all the killing and all the evil I committed??" factor is just the icing on top of a huge c r a p cake. Not joking. We get this cliché move that just out of nowhere forces us to question EVERYTHING we've just seen...only to see Vlad..in the shape of some young dude 500 years after his death...LOOKING EXACTLY LIKE HIM....Yea!! not kidding... die and awaken as....you know it.....no one other than... Dracula HIMSELF!! What the F U C K!!!! Dereck Hochenbrough... If Vlad Tepes were alive today..I have not a shred of doubt that he would have you impaled for creating such a poor piece of garbage and associate it with him... Please don't ever touch this horror genre EVER AGAIN!! Ohh yea... And Dereck...You can take your fake reviews..your fake accounts and their fake ratings that resulted in this lousy piece of s h i t got a freaking 6-7 out of 10 and SHOVE THEM RIGHT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE! How DARE YOU TRY TO SCAM US LIKE THIS!! How ignorant do you think we are! False advertising...thats not only illegal but its also SOOOOOO LOOOOOW!!!!!! Anyone remember the Limbo Song?.... How low....can you go.? And honestly....Why is this film even called the Impaler..when there is like NOT A SINGLE HUMAN BEING IN THE FILM BEING IMPALED.. There one of the teens who end up getting a pipe of something forced through their gut... BUT HONESTLY!! THAT DOESN*T QUALIFY WHATSOEVER!! Get a grip and go read a history book....or simply go read freaking wikipedia or something... What...was it impossible for you to like stage Dracula returning and impaling the other girls and dudes in the film...that would've been immediately better...at least entertaining horror-wise.. God... This is just another disgrace to the Dracula Franchise. Just another slap to the face to Dracula and all his fans... STOP EXPLOITING THIS TITLE!!!! WE LIKE IT!! MAKE SOMETHING PROPER!!

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• It's what you will feel like doing after viewing this film!

  iraz2013-11-01

  I watched this film based on the External Reviews. I was hesitant but the reviews were all positive and I love GOOD horror films, but there are so many lousy ones made these days. So, I gave it a shot and I now wonder if they saw the same film I did! There is hardly anything to examining the story of Vlad, just an opening scene that was pretty poor. The rest of the film is the same stuff you see in so many horror films these days - a group of college kids visiting Vlad's castle with the same cast of characters you always see. Several attractive women, make sure you have a blonde in the group! The acting is wooden and pathetic, the "horror" is laughable and it couldn't end fast enough. I am really upset that I was duped again, either the reviewers' expectations are low already from the many poor movies out there or, need I say or suggest what the other option is. I promise myself to NOT be taken again and all I can say is the old adage - "let the buyer beware"!!!!

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• A total joke

  Ringhio82014-03-12

  Before i decide to watch this movie, i thought i shouldn't have to, cause i've assumed it would be another bad "horror" movie, with no sense at all. I decided to give it a chance, and i wish i wouldn't have. Another "horror" movie about vampires and count Dracula, very bad executed. Poor and bad acting, no story at all and total predictable. The dear David cc user from the states, said pretty much everything in few lines. The impaler doesn't have any atmosphere at all, no tense or things to make you scared in some way. It's one from the many similar "horror" movies, with students who go out for a holiday somewhere and face the "consequences" of their choice. The shots of the castle is the only good thing on this movie. Other than that, nothing worth watching on this one. The direction and production are poor and amateur, and it's understandable in a way, cause the director is 27 years old. Although other directors at this age or little older or younger, made good movies, like the well known James Wan did in Stygian movie, 14 years ago. I am always positive in low budget horror flicks, but i don't embrace any film. Definitely not this one. Don't know if the director or the creators registered in different accounts to give good ratings on this film, or the positive reviews came from them or from 10 years old kids ,but in no way this film deserves a 6 out of 10. A total pass from me, don't even bother to watch this film. Only if someone is very curious to find out if the positive or the negative reviews are right. 1 out of 10.

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• My Review Of "Dracula The Impaler"

  ASouthernHorrorFan2014-06-30

  The story created in this "return to Gothic horror" is a decent enough concept, but some of the more detailed portions of the story fell flat. I never really felt a connection to the characters or the vision that Hockenbrough was going for in "The Impaler". The story arc kept a mediocre drama but there were no real thrills and the whole atmospheric suspense was missing in this film. The characters were two dimensional and sort-of cliché, even though, it is a major hang-up within the genre, acceptable as long as the cast can sell it. Unfortunately the cast never really convinced me of who they were in "The Impaler". The special effects in this one try to pull off the blood and guts nightmare but a few scenes failed to do so. The ones that did work created a decent practical effect. The only real problem and major irritation I have with "The Impaler" is that "if you are gonna make a movie featuring Dracula then you bloody well better have Dracula in your film!" Only two maybe three scenes even had the guy on screen. Just a lot of folklore and fabrications that were incorrect and blasphemous to the Dracula mythos, filled with inaccuracies about the Dark Prince. I didn't really care for "The Impaler" , found the film's inability to provide both horror or enough vampire in a film labeled horror and about vampires.

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