3-Headed Shark Attack (2015) Reviews

• As predictable and interesting as watching grass grow on a meadow.

  modeldyr2015-08-02

  Let's just say that each time the "shark" ate someone, I was hoping it had room for one more. I simply cannot understand how anybody would want to invest other than time in watching this piece of crap, and I do believe the producers should have their heads examined along with the people conceiving the plot. I actually like and respect Danny Trejo as an actor, but he should definitely have passed this part along with the remains after his breakfast. More specifically, it is the profound idiocy in this movie that really turns me off. I don't mind watching D-movies as long as they are have a certain minimum of innate logic, and to point to some examples I better first write this: SPOILER ALERT: Don't read this if you want to see this movie without first learning about some of its more blatant flaws. The actual action starts when this 3-headed fish arrives and for some reason decides to rip a large underwater research facility apart. At first it just swims a little around and is spotted by some visitor named Brad who see its shadow, complete with a large tail fin swinging from side to side some distance away. Now, everybody knows of course that a whale will swing its tail up and down, but Brad, who according to his own statement ("Nah, it's fine professor. We've all kicked it with whales before!") should have known better, mistakes this typical fish-mode of swimming for that of a large whale and waddles out in the water to have a better look. The water is not deep at all so when this guy almost reaches a large collection of floating debris it reaches no higher than a little bit below his knees. In the mean time wee see this gigantic shark, which I estimate to be something like 15-30 meters long (its size seems to fluctuate throughout this movie) and perhaps 2-3 meters tall and with a back fin no less than 2 meters in height, approaching with its head immediately underneath the floating debris. The back fin turns out to be no problem because it somehow manages to tuck it away so it does not stick up through the floating debris, thus warning Brad. Then it finally comes close enough to initiate a giant leap out of the water, and we are talking a leap at least twice as high, relatively, as one of the great white jumping sharks you might have seen on TV, and who requires at least a depth of 4-5 times their body lengths to build enough speed for the jump. Brad is of course just standing in his knee-deep water with open mouth and an expression of surprise all over, and then the shark slams right down on him and disappears deep below the surface of what must obviously be solid sand. Amazing. The rest of Brad's buddies on shore then run for the only safe place on this atoll that have probably been above sea level for hundreds of years - yes, they of course run deep down into the facility, which is then trashed by the shark, that also manages to snatch some guy sitting on a toilet by jumping up through the floor. At this point in the movie I actually started to expect the shark to start jumping out the faucets, but no. Then they all run upstairs and decide to swim out to a little boat one by one rather than staying in complete safety on land, and the rest is so stupid that it is hard to fathom. Why can't the shark catch a couple of slow swimming "actors" when it has no problem swimming faster than a speedboat on other occasions? How come the water is completely still around the boat while the "actors" discuss their options when we have just seen one of them fire it up at half speed? Why would I waste maybe half an hour of my precious life writing this critique when I have seen at least ten movies just as bad, or worse? Who reads these reviews anyway?

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• SyFy seems to not even care any more

  jmstanton2015-07-20

  This is a horrible movie. The animations are terrible and the plot is pathetic. It's obvious they rushed the editing to get this movie out for shark week, but come on SyFy, we can see other boats in the background and they are clearly in a channel with land all around them when they are trying to find a place to get to with the boat. The boat that was sinking one minute, with bodies all over it, was perfectly fine minutes later. One mistake after another. Perhaps you could also try and find actors who can really act next time. The level of acting here is grade level. I get the "B" grade quality of your movies and we normally enjoy that but even we were hard pressed to make it through this stinker. Terrible, terrible movie.

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• Really bad

  hotkewi2015-08-07

  I am a fan of B-movies and appreciate the humor in them. They are aware of the audiences expectations and delivers. But this movie really tries to be a real movie. My expectations were very low and only wanted a bit of brainless entertainment. But the brain could not relax with all these unnecessary flaws. Going full speed and barely make any waves. Badly broken things are suddenly whole again. Using the same cut scene over and over and ... again. At least some laws of physics? I seldom regret watching a movie but this one can with good continence be skipped. It only makes you feel bad that you gave it a chance. All though Danny Trejo saves it a little it's way below par for B-movies. Let it slip by you unwatched.

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• It may have had three heads, but where were the brains and fun to go with it?

  TheLittleSongbird2015-08-09

  While I didn't think much at all of 2-Headed Shark Attack, this was worse. The former at least tried to be fun (although the cheapness and ineptitude of it all got in the way) and had one cast member who tried, but 3-Headed Shark Attack takes itself too seriously, as well as being so stupid and being unoriginal in doing so, with next to nothing that makes it stand out from other shark movies (apart from with the shark) and wastes the talent it has. 3-Headed Shark Attack is by far the worst looking of the SyFy shark movies aired this year. Any nice scenery that the movie has is difficult to appreciate when the movie is shot in such a drab way and when it's edited so amateurishly that bacon-slicer-like editing looks more refined. Worst of all in this regard are the effects, as it was made on low-budget it would have been forgiven a little if it was not great, but when the effects for the shark look as if no effort was given in making them without looking so goofy and unfinished-looking that is hard to ignore, the only thing that it has that's superior for that of 2-Headed Shark Attack is that the size is more consistent. So is the shark's lack of presence or personality, it's not menacing, it's not scary and it's not fun, it's not even strong enough to bring any unintentional humour or goofiness, that's how bland it is. Music is very generic and adds very little, it's not always appropriate either. The movie's writing ranges between incredibly bad to appalling, with the exception of two dark comedy moments with the head inside the shark and the boy riding the shark as if skiing, and they only raised a mild chuckle and like they were lifted right out of other shark movies (the latter being a little like in Sharknado 2). Any comedy is incredibly forced and is so cheesy it is enough to make the eyes roll in disbelief, while the more serious moments are very awkwardly written and as trite as anybody can possibly go. The attacks are far too rushed, lack any kind of suspense and the over-silliness to the point of intelligence-insulting stupidity, terrible shark effects, bad editing and even more gratuitous gore further cheapen them. To describe the story as weak is being too insulting to the word weak, it is a very lethargically paced and thin as ice story with lots of padding that is either badly written or serves no point at all to the movie, other than attempts at novelty value, which falls flat on its face because it all feels so tired. It is not fun, it is not scary and it is not thrilling or suspenseful, it's just nothing but tired stupidity. As for the characters, that they're tired clichés isn't so much a problem, the problem is that they are either obnoxious with them constantly doing stupid things, so bland that it makes zombies seem more animated or both. Some of them are superfluous to the story or come and go out of nowhere constantly. The direction is as flat as a pancake, and the acting is awful with the unforgivable waste of Danny Trejo being one of the movie's biggest offences. Trejo, no matter how hard he tries, has nothing to work with with none of his material playing to his strengths as a performer, and he over-compensates as a result, for someone like Trejo who has a knack for raising a lot of bad movies up a notch it's shameful. Everybody else either overacts painfully or are amateurishly bland. In summary, despite the small bit of originality with the shark 3-Headed Shark Attack is a dreadful movie all round and near-indefensible. 1/10 Bethany Cox

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• More heads.

  Zbigniew_Krycsiwiki2015-08-07

  Another genetically mutated shark goes after more imbeciles. So much for the plot. About on par with its predecessor; the acting is just as putrid as the previous film (2 Headed Shark Attack) and there are just as many continuity problems (which is to say, many) and just as much logic (which is to say, none) , but no one watches a movie with a title like this for anything other than to laugh at its ineptitude. It is unfortunate however, that the film has only a handful of unintentional laughs, the remainder either stupid, or just boring. The shark's size is at least consistent now. This time, it's the size of a bus, yet it can leap twenty feet into the air, and manoeuvre tight corridors with ease. It can also survive out of water for extended periods of time. My favourite scene is when that guy, ... Joey, Jojo, jnr.,... or whatever the bloody hell his name is, jumps off the boat into the water, swinging an ax at the shark, in super slow motion. And the trailer itself should include a spoiler warning, as it shows Danny Trejo's death scene!

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